today has been one of those days where it is blindingly obvious that my life is held together by a frayed string.
so many things logistically went wrong, but it was also that all day i was overwhelmed by the emotion that i feel i am mostly taken for granted in my life and that i mostly allow that.
it is not overwhelming moments of sadness that have been getting me lately, it is the persistent discoloration of my life as it is. it is not palatable to me any longer.
the mix of resignation and disappointment feels more pervasive than ever.
also, i got my first jury summons today.
hoping that this isn’t what adulthood is about.
i have been with about 10 people in my life.
of these, 4 have claimed to love me deeply.
of these, 1 has made my cum.
of these, not a single one was a man.
homeboys are pushing a girl to be celibate if only for the sake of pragmatism. your “love”—it seems oddly selfish to me.
skipped class, cooked some creamy ass shrimp alfredo, bought 2 bottles of wine ($6 in total), about to watch new girls at home alone, and i plan on being in bed by 11.
haven’t been so excited in months.
writes into your flesh
you make of me.
I catch midnight
as moon fires
in my throat.